MI6 dismisses "new" bin Laden video

MI6 British Intelligence has moved swiftly to dismiss suggestions that a video released by news agency Al-Jazeera in the past few days has proven that terrorist leader Osama bin Laden is still alive.

In a bizarre attempt to ingratiate himself with most of the UK, the Al-Queda leader had added during his video speech that he "...thought that Southampton [ie, the football team] had been especially s*** last Saturday".

However, an MI6 spokesperson stated that the Agency had rejected this as proof of Osama's current existence, pointing out that "the words could equally and very easily apply to just about any weekend in the past eight years".